Seventy-five percent of youths are fucking stupid.

According to a new report by YouthNet, 75% of youths say they "cannot live" without the Internet. Here is a short list of things youths said they also cannot live without:

1. texts
   
2. Family Guy
   
3. Lil' Wayne
4. Allowance
5. Shabooya

Don't know what Shabooya is? That's because you're too old, and you couldn't possibly comprehend it even if I gave you a definition. Unless you know what it's like to be a child growing up in this era, you just can't understand how important the Internet is to their lives.

Quickly, someone find me a receptacle worthy to contain my vomit.

Here's a thought: Fuck. Children.

What the hell do they expect will entertain them whence the coming apocalypse swallows the waste land that is contemporary society? And what real utility do they find in the Internet, anyway? They certainly don't use it for research (which would be nice). The Internet is only used for pornography, consumer exchange, and interactive entertainment. It's also helpful if, like me, you don't want to read your Brecht. But I certainly wouldn't say that I can't live without it.

Did you ever get around to clicking on that pornography link, by the way? I mean, really, who knew?